Role-modelling EQ: A Reflection

In the middle of the year, we were part of a consortium that recently completed a pilot project with a school to develop Emotional Literacy skills in a group of Sec 2 Normal Tech boys. Social and Emotional Learning research suggests that with enhanced EQ, students' academic performance improves.

When my facilitation team and I first met the participants, we primarily saw 2 key behaviours on display - aggression and passivity. Clearly, these belied the lack of confidence and esteem that are otherwise found in resilient kids. We saw as our primary task to model the EQ competencies which included the need to engage in thinking about consequences, recognising and harnessing emotions etc.

One pitfall in modelling EQ skills is in not knowing where to draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. We found that however clear the behavioural expectations were and however much we reiterated these expectations, these would obviously not be met by a few individuals. We also discovered that no matter how much we shared amongst ourselves what these expectations were and what would we all do if they were not met, ultimately different people have different thresholds for unacceptable behaviour.

So the key lesson through our own debriefing as a facilitation team was to have each facilitator share and account for their individual response to unacceptable behaviour. Knowing the logic for our responses allowed each facilitator to move towards a 'normed' response that everyone would adopt in the event.

Role-modelling EQ also meant that we had to come to terms with our own lack of these EQ competencies. Not being able to explain why we react a certain way when we feel stressed or fatigued, may mean that we may have limited reach into the child's life when debriefing his behaviour and feelings under stress or fatigue.

On hindsight, there is great potential in terms of impact on these kids who in their home life, have not had positive models of EQ. We showed that while we were there to model the competencies, we also had our own thresholds for negative behaviour and had to deal with them firmly. Through our positive management of our emotions, we showed them that they could too.

Noel Tan
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